so yeah.. im just not able to post anything before 1am..
just to entertain the sleepless ones
as much as reading my randomness is entertaining..

just wasted another day.
todays results:
"ym cojji you yive coo faj" what supposed to mean that i live too far.. :s
does it matter where i live if i can be there in time?
"ability to speak polish is essential"
something must have happened during the night.. should go out and check if im still in england..
[got back from work. same buses, same piccadilly, same district..
and a few familiar face. i still happen to be in london.. now i really dont understand]
"i will put your details in our database and you will be contacted later this week"
or maybe this century, eh?

i wonder how many times im allowed to re-think my decisions before im officially classed as mental..
maybe i shouldnt have left uni..
of course the main reason was the fact that i couldn pay for it but if im honest then i didnt even try to get the money..
maybe i shouldnt have quit the best job ever to travel a million miles for someone..
maybe i shouldnt quit anything for anyone.. shouldnt go anywhere for anyone.. for anything..
and maybe i shouldnt have accepted this job..

im afraid if i keep having the same thoughts ill have to face a serious identity crisis.. lol..

i wish id be my own grandfather.
or great-grandfather.
i could be the local blacksmith of a god forsaken small silent village..
or something like that.....

somehow i cant fit in a society where you have to have serious metal disorders to be successful or get anywhere..
and id rather spend a week with a group of old chaps drinking tea [or beer or whatever] and talk about anything than go out and have "fun" with freaks of my age [or even worse, teenagers]
theres magic around elderly ppl anyays..
[if they dont lose mental abilities etc..]
i had the luck to know even my great-grandmother..
and all ive ever notice is theyre always so cheerful.. and theres peace around them..
even their arguments are peaceful.. and they always have a sightly dark sense of humour what you cant copy when you are younger..
and theyve seen at least one world war whats far from something funny..
in turn ppl today get panic attacks if their pc is broken or theres no elecricity for a day..
and the worst thing what can happen is if their fav tv show is cancelled..
we just forgot how to respect things, how to keep and live up to values..
we just forgot whats important and whats not..
and we try to break all the rules instead of accepting the way of life..

and ive seen my grandparents walk home hand in hand every time they came to visit us..
honestly, thats the only one thing what makes me belive humans are actually able to live in a relationship..
or they used to be..
guess how many of us in our 20s and 30s gonna spend 60 years with the same person?
and i dont even mention teenagers..

i really need that farm..
london is not the place to look for peace and silence i guess..

and i secretly fell in love with the girl sleeping on the district line last night :)
green eyeshadow, black hair, jeans, black/white airwalk shoes..
but it is a secret. dont tell anyone..

oh well..
im off..
take care