292 days since my last post..
feels weird.. like sand slipping away between my fingers.. i mean time..
what happened is for once again ive successfully f*ed up my life.. go me..
enough said..
i couldnt help re-reading some of my previous posts and honestly sometimes i feel ashamed of myself..
thing is i am not a moaner by nature.. at least i dont think i am. but thats exatly what i do most of the time.
at least here.
annoying.
or is it the nature of diaries? its either the juicy stuff or the whining?
(i mean its just a way to shout/whisper random stuff at the world.. not to publish my views on serious subjects..
for me.. therefore diary..)
so yeah.. i really have to stop this.. or at least do something else too..
not like i have that many positive things to say..
thing is i rarely ever show this depressed part of me in real life.
but maybe everyone needs to get rid of these things somehow..
and its just too easy to hide behind usernames and ip adresses and do it..
unlike facing the consequences of real life revelations..
silent confessions of lost faith, drinking problems, despair, and the feeling of not being quite enough..
maybe its just the backside of this "modern" world where you can look invincible and just being perfect or you get classed as a loser..
id hate to admit that since im quite proud of not giving a f* about the world as long as im convinced im doing the right thing.. so ill just stick to the idea of it being way too easy to resist..

also.. ive found out sometimes id love to have a switch in my mind what makes me able to think as a woman..
most recently when ive read that article about a woman offering s*x every day for a year for her husbands 40th bday.. i just dont get it.. help.......

aaaaaand another surprise (for me) is that i love making pics.. i know it sounds weird but i got my first camera last year and within months the picture collection reached unmanageable size.. even if i dont make silly party pics and things like that.. and i know exactly how bad these pics are i still cant make myself delete them because theres always something i do like about them..

anyways.. its late again..
goodnight..