its strange when you read something you wrote weeks/months/years ago..
i remember re-reading my... well.. poems.. [*blush* yeah.. i used to..]
it was like.. 6-8 years now.. i wrote them during high school i guess and when i found them years later there was just no way not reading them..
i ended up burning all but 2 of them..
because not remembering most of those years i dont know what i meant writing those words..
because they couldnt make me feel anything at all..
but thats not the case now when i got thru my prev. posts here..
funny how far i was from the truth about my own feelings..
to get to the point.. after having a long and really comfortable and serious relationship (including like 9 months of living together) im still infected with this feeling about a girl i dont have for years now.. i mean.. this is not how it shoud be.. i should moan about my latest ex.. i think.. :-/
and im quite distracted about it..

the other thing is i cant belive how much could i moan about shitty jobs and things i dont like in london..
its always like this.. im just unable to appreciate and enjoy things i have for a long time..
bein unemployed and not living in london for months now i really want to spit on myself..

now i have just way too much time to think.. all i do is watching dvds, taking long walks and making $h1tloads of pics.. it is dangerous.. well at least not good for my mental health.. hehe..

just another proof of me misusing blogs.. while others post about serious issues and life in general i just appear when theres something i can whine about and disappear when things arent that bad.. at least its just my online personality..
not that life is any better but at least i dont look sick..
im glad noone can read my mind..
i mean.. for f***s sake there are $h1tloads of ppl struggling with REAL problems having a really bad time.. i just cant help it..
i just cant be satisfied when things are nowhere near perfect and its driving me nuts..

sometimes im really ashamed of myself..

anyways.. over 2000 "Zeichen" or whatever now so ill stop..
take care..

[ps i (still) know im a nutter.. sorry.. at least it doesnt hurt..:DD]

psps the reason why i put that title is because i forgot about it and i wasnt satisfied with "title-6numbernumbernumber" so its still me bein a nutter and there is NOTHING wrong with you if you cant see the point and the revelance of the title..