oh s* *t.. a few drinks and im posting something here..
im afraid i can see a pattern emerging there..
on the bright side ive had like 3 views this month and like 10 in the last three..
and that means i can whine and put anything here..
(incidentally thats exactly the same as what i used to do when i actually had ppl read my posts.. but hey.. what the hell.. )
anyways.. what worries me is it seems like im unable to make an effort to make my life better as long as im not forced to do so..
i dont expect anyone to understand it.. [slightly disgusting metaphor got deleted.. i can pm it for the most curious..]
two. i do realize that making wrong choices and making a fool of myself and facing rejection and trying to get things what are way out of my reach is in no way going to worsen my already miserable and f* *ked up life but theres no f* *king way i could put myself in any situation that has the possibility for an ending described above..
and that annoys me to no end..
furhtermore im unable to figure out how far can i go to satisfy my own needs and reach my goals in life [if i have any really.. ] at the expense of caring for my family..
[a strange new urge im cursed with lately]

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable...

anyways..
i guess ive had enough to drink and i really should stop before im unable to type and make no sense at all..
see you next time i have quite a few pints..