tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2009-11-21:/MokoFeed2009-11-21T07:25:15+01:00tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2009-09-12:/2009/09/12/no-title-cant-think-of-one-6945921/AManWithout2009-09-12T02:55:04+02:002009-09-12T02:55:04+02:00 <p><span>hehe.. this habit of mine is getting quite annoying.. (ie managing to post something only if i have a few drinks)<br>soooo yeah.. after a few pints im here again..</span></p> <p><span>BUT!<br>for a change this post is going to be abssssolutely posi and upbeat and wonderfully inspiring coz i fell in love with humanity..</span></p> <p><span>oh noes.. for those who didnt fall for the trick the guess was right, theres going to be lots of whining, insanity, randomness and just the usual making of no sense at all.. as usual.. </p> <p>ive managed to post a comment on almost all the posts posted since my last visit.. poor guys.. i just had to..<br>there was one i just couldnt comment..<br>not because there was nothing to say but coz i wouldnt be too happy about ppl reading it..<br>weird ehh? <br>anyways it was about a letter like ten times older than me.. <br>(well not really.. not even 2x but still..)<br>whats weird i found it quite touching..<br>since my "dragons" to slay happen to be the ones ive sent to torture others..<br>and i wonder how many times will i have to regret things ive done years ago?<br>yes i was evil, i was mean, ive done things i couldve gone to court for but now it should be enough..<br>and the worst is the more things i remember and regret, the more feedback i get telling me i was right to do all those things..<br>last time it was this upper middle class guy with sugar coated background, finished all his schools with the best possible results, obeying all school rules, not saying a bad word about anyone (well at leas not in their face)<br>and he said he made the wrong choice and i made the right ones<br>i think the saying is true. whatever you do, whatever you have its just not good enough.. it can never be..</span></p> <p><span>that made no sense..</span></p> <p><span>anyways..<br>this week i was trying to sort out my unmanageable music collection..<br>well ive failed miserably..<br>hows that no matter how many times you rip a cd or what software you use there wil always be some with uneditable tags and annoying numbers in tags as "comments"?<br>and hows that some ppl seriously think they can write an algorytihm to rate tracks according to mood and tempo?<br>those things S-U-C-K! they may work on pop and electronic bulshit (no offence) but they have a way too wide error margin if it comes to songs with things like.. woahhh.. real instruments! (and anything to do with music really)<br>i admit the idea is great but.. ehh.. nevermind..</span></p> <p><span>aaaaand to end the post with something positive..<br>i got signed to a team.. (its motorcycle racing and im a mechanic not a rider before you ask)<br>best thing to happen to me in years.. <br>(sorry if i dont sound happy enough.. i really am.. its just the booze.. and my always-so-bad mood)<br>also ive decided to make a list of things i want to do before i die.. i have a few things already but im working on the rest..</span></p> <p><span>thats all..<br>take care<br></span></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2009/09/12/no-title-cant-think-of-one-6945921/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2009-08-31:/2009/08/31/new-posssssst-6857455/AManWithout2009-08-31T02:31:02+02:002009-08-31T20:56:56+02:00 <p><span>oh s* *t.. a few drinks and im posting something here..<br> im afraid i can see a pattern emerging there..<br>on the bright side ive had like 3 views this month and like 10 in the last three..<br>and that means i can whine and put anything here.. <img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/image/smileys/05biggrin.gif" alt=""><br>(incidentally thats exactly the same as what i used to do when i actually had ppl read my posts.. but hey.. what the hell.. )<br>anyways.. what worries me is it seems like im unable to make an effort to make my life better as long as im not forced to do so..<br>i dont expect anyone to understand it.. [slightly disgusting metaphor got deleted.. i can pm it for the most curious..]<br>two. i do realize that making wrong choices and making a fool of myself and facing rejection and trying to get things what are way out of my reach is in no way going to worsen my already miserable and f* *ked up life but theres no f* *king way i could put myself in any situation that has the possibility for an ending described above..<br>and that annoys me to no end..<br>furhtermore im unable to figure out how far can i go to satisfy my own needs and reach my goals in life [if i have any really.. <img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/image/smileys/13confused.gif" alt="">] at the expense of caring for my family..<br>[a strange new urge im cursed with lately]</span></p> <p><span>Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable...</span></p> <p><span>anyways..<br>i guess ive had enough to drink and i really should stop before im unable to type and make no sense at all..<br>see you next time i have quite a few pints..<br></span></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2009/08/31/new-posssssst-6857455/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2009-06-07:/2009/06/07/another-drunken-post-6253113/AManWithout2009-06-07T01:13:04+02:002009-06-07T01:13:04+02:00 <p>hey hey im back..<br> fairly drunk of course..<br> as it happens alcohol is the best inspiration ever..<br> what is quite sad as i dont watn to end up like me dad..<br> i cant rely think of a good example.. but lets just try this..<br> i need inspiration.. or im dead.. like a ball..<br> play with it or kick it or throw it away doesnt matter.. just do something..<br> sad isnt it?<br> also ive found im ugly, repulsive & ive got no chance to score..<br> thats not news i know..<br> not for me at least..<br> its not even a surprise..<br> i dont even know why im so amazed by this revelation.. or wjatever..<br> its just funny all my mates are with oh so hot girls.. except me..<br> (tells simething about them bringin the girls.. showing off.. gits.. )<br> not that i care..<br> well.. most of the time i dont.. i hate humanity..<br> but right now i feel lonely and lost..<br> not that it counts..<br> or anyone would care..<br> ah well..<br> i better go to sleep..</p> <p>(ps ive managet to put some of my not-totally-crap pics onlie.. link should be <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/38398206@N04/show/">HERE </a><br> check if youre not bored to death already..)</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2009/06/07/another-drunken-post-6253113/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2009-05-10:/2009/05/10/more-fun-for-me-6093886/AManWithout2009-05-10T23:53:56+02:002009-05-10T23:53:56+02:00 <p class="right"><em><span>oh yeah.. got my dirty little hands on some money..<br> so ive decided to take my sister to the pictures what ive promised her months ago..<br> sounds fun ehh?<br> yeah except for a small problem..<br> the unverse hates me, that is..<br> the car just fcking stopped halfway there..<br> she said she still had a good time..<br> even the getting-towed-back-home-at-2am bit was "funny"..<br> for me the night was ruined..<br> walk on the bright side?<br> think positive and good things will happen?<br> karmic energies?<br> bollocks..<br> bullshit..<br> the universe hates me..<br> end of..</span></em></p> <p class="right"> </p> <p class="right"> </p> <p class="right"> </p> <p class="right"><em><span><br></span></em></p> <p class="center"><em><span>(and to make things even worse ive nicked booze from my father and went to bed at dawn.. because i know how to make things right.. yay.. go me..)</span></em></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2009/05/10/more-fun-for-me-6093886/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2009-05-08:/2009/05/08/oh-great-its-friday-6084071/AManWithout2009-05-08T23:28:03+02:002009-05-08T23:28:03+02:00 <p>so here i am, bored and broke on a fcking friday night when i should be out somewhere having the time of my life..<br> well annoyed..<br> thank god i had some hidden booze.. boy ill be sorry in the morning..<br> whats strange about this is when i was a teenager i knew nothing about hangover..<br> i could drink as much as i wanted and woke up with a smile in the bushes or in the middle of the footy pitch..<br> but now i can feel ill in the morning if i didnt even got drunk.. weird..<br> maybe i should change my drinking habits..</p> <p>as for my plans for the future someone just managed to ruin them.. well not completely.. but once again theres sand in the mechanism..<br> the guy rang me today to ask about my employment status and plans for the future.. and just as if hed be talking about the weather mentioned hes gonna run a team next year and there might be a place for me.. as if it would be something unimportant.. well thanks alot..<br> thats the second quasi-offer i have for next year for an entire season including pre-season tests and some additional races.. fcking brilliant..<br> what is the problem?<br> well i had an offer like that for this season aswell.. thats why im no longer in london..<br> and thanks for the financial mess thats why im unemployed..<br> and ive just made up my mind and decided ill be back to london ASAP..<br> and now i wonder..<br> on one hand i have london and decent wages (IF i get a job)and loads of fun, on the other hand i have two offers for RACING (and theres nothing id love more) but significantly less money and no privare life (since they wouldnt pay enough yet so id have to have a part time job too)<br> and right now im sure whatever i do im gonna make the wrong choice and im gonna regret it..<br> (hey, thats something ive heard before.. how interesting..)</p> <p>seems like theres nothing new in life.. its just the same fcking script again and again with different people playing different roles.. got a good script? well done good for you, now fck off and enjoy it elsewhere.. got a bad one? join the cub..<br> the interesting scripts are never for comedies anyways..<br> oh btw books..<br> i have to stop reading books and watching films.. i get carried away or i have to face the worst bits of my life..<br> both stops me actually doing something about it.. i mean my life..<br> but there are so many things to do, to try, to get, to go for and i dont want to be paralyzed ever again..</p> <p>aaaaand i desperately need social life..<br> and some more booze..<br> its not my day..<br> fck it..</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2009/05/08/oh-great-its-friday-6084071/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2009-05-06:/2009/05/06/god-6066154/AManWithout2009-05-06T01:18:41+02:002009-05-06T01:18:41+02:00 <p>when i was a child life was so easy..<br> no matter what happened i knew theres an old guy called god sitting on one of the clouds taking care of me and everythings gonna be fine eventually..<br> now as i get to know more and more about the world and start to imagine the endless universe and the complexity of the subatomic world -even if i dont know too much about these things.. just reading random articles every now and then- im losing the last remaining bits of that childhood faith..<br> instead of finding peace in the thought of there being a god behind all those infinitely endless and complex things i cant help thinking we are all alone.. just a really bad joke of nature and all this god thing was invented to prevent us going absolutely nuts..<br> (and of couse to help some to handle others like flocks and herds..)<br> and theres nothing outside and only flesh, bones and blood inside..<br> and this is quite depressing.. makes me feel so unmeasurably small and hopelessly lost..<br> thing is im quite jelous when i see others with their beliefs and gods..<br> not because i dont have it.. its because they find peace and happiness in it..<br> and even if theres no god theyll never know.. and they are happy and looking forward some kind of afterlife and reward for their good deeds..<br> and i miss that terribly..<br> and its so unfair.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2009/05/06/god-6066154/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2009-05-05:/2009/05/06/wolverine-6066094/AManWithout2009-05-06T00:41:45+02:002009-05-06T00:41:45+02:00 <p>remember the cries from the film industry when the new x-men film appeared on filesharing sites?<br> well i do..<br> i do remember them complaining how much money theyll lose..<br> now on the opening weekend they made $85.1m......<br> in comparison the 2006 film made $122.9m, the 2003 $85.5m<br> AND the one released in 2000 made only $54.5m<br> im sure they already have a pretty good explanation..<br> i still wonder if piracy is not that damaging after all? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2009/05/06/wolverine-6066094/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2009-05-05:/2009/05/05/1-6060191/AManWithout2009-05-05T03:10:03+02:002009-05-05T03:10:03+02:00 <p>great.. almost 3am and im still awake.. i wish id have normal sleeping habits.. hehe..<br> sometimes it would be so much easier being normal..<br> being a freak really is tiring.. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>anyways..<br> i know im not a "blogger" type, im just not one of those who can fill pages of their diaries every night.. and honestly im all right with that..i just dont feel the need.. what i cant get is how come i can never write anything when i decide it is time to do so for purely recreational purposes..<br> its not that i cant think about anything since im simply unable to stop thinking and analyzing myslef and the world around.. maybe its just that i dont know where to start and how to put random thoughts in line to make it look like something thats got something in common with making sense.. (if that makes sense..)<br> but thats too easy to be a proper answer..</p> <p>another strange thing is its impossible to think of an id without numbers to use as email..<br> you know that bit before the @..<br> gonna have to register somewhere so i need a new email.. why cant i use one of my already existing ones? i dont want another email.. it takes ages to check them all..<br> and if i get over that i still cant create a proper one just the likes of [something]75@ or [random word/name]92@ etc what is quite pathetic.. i think.. 'would suit you perfectly' i hear you say and to be honest there is a point..<br> but come on let the freaks have proper email at least especially when they are forced to get one..</p> <p>also..<br> should try to post something when im in a good mood..<br> i wonder if its ever gonna happen..</p> <p>take care.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2009/05/05/1-6060191/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2009-04-29:/2009/04/29/its-strange-when-you-read-something-you-wrote-weeks-months-6026569/AManWithout2009-04-29T02:17:48+02:002009-04-29T02:24:27+02:00 <p>its strange when you read something you wrote weeks/months/years ago..<br> i remember re-reading my... well.. poems.. [*blush* yeah.. i used to..]<br> it was like.. 6-8 years now.. i wrote them during high school i guess and when i found them years later there was just no way not reading them..<br> i ended up burning all but 2 of them..<br> because not remembering most of those years i dont know what i meant writing those words..<br> because they couldnt make me feel anything at all..<br> but thats not the case now when i got thru my prev. posts here..<br> funny how far i was from the truth about my own feelings..<br> to get to the point.. after having a long and really comfortable and serious relationship (including like 9 months of living together) im still infected with this feeling about a girl i dont have for years now.. i mean.. this is not how it shoud be.. i should moan about my latest ex.. i think.. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":-/" class="middle" border="0"><br> and im quite distracted about it..</p> <p>the other thing is i cant belive how much could i moan about shitty jobs and things i dont like in london..<br> its always like this.. im just unable to appreciate and enjoy things i have for a long time..<br> bein unemployed and not living in london for months now i really want to spit on myself..</p> <p>now i have just way too much time to think.. all i do is watching dvds, taking long walks and making $h1tloads of pics.. it is dangerous.. well at least not good for my mental health.. hehe..</p> <p>just another proof of me misusing blogs.. while others post about serious issues and life in general i just appear when theres something i can whine about and disappear when things arent that bad.. at least its just my online personality..<br> not that life is any better but at least i dont look sick..<br> im glad noone can read my mind..<br> i mean.. for f***s sake there are $h1tloads of ppl struggling with REAL problems having a really bad time.. i just cant help it..<br> i just cant be satisfied when things are nowhere near perfect and its driving me nuts..</p> <p class="right"> sometimes im really ashamed of myself..</p> <p>anyways.. over 2000 "Zeichen" or whatever now so ill stop..<br> take care..</p> <p>[ps i (still) know im a nutter.. sorry.. at least it doesnt hurt..<img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0">]</p> <p>psps the reason why i put that title is because i forgot about it and i wasnt satisfied with "title-6numbernumbernumber" so its still me bein a nutter and there is NOTHING wrong with you if you cant see the point and the revelance of the title.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2009/04/29/its-strange-when-you-read-something-you-wrote-weeks-months-6026569/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2009-04-23:/2009/04/23/292-days-5990796/AManWithout2009-04-23T01:26:18+02:002009-04-23T01:26:18+02:00 <p><em><span>292 days since my last post..<br>feels weird.. like sand slipping away between my fingers.. i mean time..<br>what happened is for once again ive successfully f*ed up my life.. go me..<br>enough said..<br>i couldnt help re-reading some of my previous posts and honestly sometimes i feel ashamed of myself..<br>thing is i am not a moaner by nature.. at least i dont think i am. but thats exatly what i do most of the time.<br>at least here.<br>annoying.<br>or is it the nature of diaries? its either the juicy stuff or the whining?<br>(i mean its just a way to shout/whisper random stuff at the world.. not to publish my views on serious subjects..<br>for me.. therefore diary..)<br>so yeah.. i really have to stop this.. or at least do something else too..<br>not like i have that many positive things to say..<br>thing is i rarely ever show this depressed part of me in real life.<br>but maybe everyone needs to get rid of these things somehow..<br>and its just too easy to hide behind usernames and ip adresses and do it..<br>unlike facing the consequences of real life revelations..<br>silent confessions of lost faith, drinking problems, despair, and the feeling of not being quite enough..<br>maybe its just the backside of this "modern" world where you can look invincible and just being perfect or you get classed as a loser..<br>id hate to admit that since im quite proud of not giving a f* about the world as long as im convinced im doing the right thing.. so ill just stick to the idea of it being way too easy to resist..</span></em></p> <p><em><span>also.. ive found out sometimes id love to have a switch in my mind what makes me able to think as a woman..<br>most recently when ive read that article about a woman offering s*x every day for a year for her husbands 40th bday.. i just dont get it.. help.......</span></em></p> <p><em><span>aaaaaand another surprise (for me) is that i love making pics.. i know it sounds weird but i got my first camera last year and within months the picture collection reached unmanageable size.. even if i dont make silly party pics and things like that.. and i know exactly how bad these pics are i still cant make myself delete them because theres always something i do like about them..</span></em></p> <p><em><span>anyways.. its late again..<br>goodnight..<br></span></em></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2009/04/23/292-days-5990796/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-07-05:/2008/07/05/question-4405623/AManWithout2008-07-05T03:17:19+02:002008-07-05T03:17:19+02:00 <p>Which is better?<br> Doing something you like in a place and environment you hate,<br> or<br> doing something you hate in a place and environment you like?</p> <p>blahh..<br> madness.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/07/05/question-4405623/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-05-09:/2008/05/09/but-nowhere-on-my-charts-does-it-say-how-4150406/AManWithout2008-05-09T04:53:22+02:002008-05-09T04:53:22+02:00 <br><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/audio/passport_to_detroit/2516428">Passport To Detroit</a></p> <p><strong><em>now what am i supposed to do?<br>what if 2 of your best friends break up?<br>how can you make the suffering one feel better without making the other one thinkin theyre less important?<br>how can you chose a side? or why are you even supposed to?</p> <p>they were like perfect match..<br>of course we all make mistakes so do they..<br>i miss seein them together..<br>oh and the girl ran away and shes not gonna come back.. ever..</p> <p>and im losing my friends again..<br>ill never forget how happy we were walkin around in camden..<br>of course i wont forget a moment.. but that was the last time the 4 of us could go out together..</p> <p>i wonder what am i doing wrong..<br>see.. if it goes this way ill end up with nothing but bitter memories..<br>before id grow like really old..</p> <p>other than that life is great..<br>still cant find a proper flat or room with a reasonable price to leave london..<br>watching stupid soaps to stop thinkin..<br>(never done that before.. honest to god..)<br>[and f..k it.. how annoying they are? gahh..]</p> <p>ah well..<br>take care.<br></em></strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/05/09/but-nowhere-on-my-charts-does-it-say-how-4150406/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-05-06:/2008/05/06/because-this-song-keeps-goin-on-and-on-i-4136762/AManWithout2008-05-06T05:39:56+02:002008-05-06T05:39:56+02:00 <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/05/06/because-this-song-keeps-goin-on-and-on-i-4136762/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-04-29:/2008/04/29/oh-come-on-hows-that-i-can-never-think-a-4108168/AManWithout2008-04-29T04:52:04+02:002008-04-29T04:52:04+02:00 <p><strong>i know.. its been a while..<br>its just.. since my bday i cant manage to write..<br>too many things to think about..</p> <p>is there such thing as a 1/4 century shock?<br>i mean.. its 1/4 of a f++king <a href="mailto:godd@mned">godd@mned</a> century!!!<br>and i feel my thoughts run thru my body..<br>changing and crushing my bones and my flesh..<br>and my brain.. (constant headache..)<br>and im not the person i used to be..<br>whats weird is.. im not supposed to notice that..</p> <p>i start to think we are both running away from something..<br>and we just need someone to run to..<br>thats about my gf and me..<br>but maybe its generally true..</p> <p>oh.. and we are gonna live together soon..<br>or at least thats the plan..<br>sometimes it doesnt feel right..<br>after only 2 months..<br>i guess i just do it because its harder alone..</p> <p>and im still not in a state what id call bein in love..</p> <p>and ive got bday texts from my ex..<br>not that id care..<br>it was just a dream.. maybe it was only in my head..<br>and we all have to wake up eventually..<br>and you cant be in love with a dream..<br>i guess now i can say im over it..<br>of course i wont ever forget..<br>but let the dead care with the past..</p> <p>lately im feeling like a 12 year old..<br>so many things i want to do, so many things i want to be..<br>and its kindda depressing..<br>i mean.. im a bit old to chose life, chose a way..<br>shoudve done that 10 years ago..<br>and anyways.. one life is just not enough..<br>one life is not enough..<br>i wish i couldve known that when i was a child..<br>so many things id have done differently..</p> <p>the meaning is.. theres one life to live..<br>and i have to make choices, take the risks and move..<br>making the wrong choice is still better than stayin put and let life pass us by..<br>because now im 25, you are 19, 40, 52 or whatever..<br>but soon people will stand well dressed staring at a hole that will swallow what once was you.. or me..<br>and belive me.. thats not what we want..<br>oh.. and be a nice man.. then your choice cant be too bad..</p> <p>im just sick of wasting my life, im sick of others wasting their..<br>not that its my problem (even if it has an effect on my life..)<br>but still..</p> <p>oh..<br>and im sick of london..<br>moving to somewhere else as soon as i can find a decent flat..<br>starts with m.. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>sooo.. thats all i think..<br>a bit chaotic but what the hell.. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>take care..</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/04/29/oh-come-on-hows-that-i-can-never-think-a-4108168/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-03-20:/2008/03/20/33-now-really-3908024/AManWithout2008-03-20T04:50:00+01:002009-04-29T00:56:10+02:00 <p>*edit*had to find a new link coz theyve removed the one i put here originally*edit*</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/03/20/33-now-really-3908024/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-03-20:/2008/03/20/33-3908005/AManWithout2008-03-20T04:23:27+01:002008-03-20T04:26:10+01:00 <p><strong>sooo<br> me blog lacks posts lately..<br> life got a bit too fast..</p> <p>and once again this post will contain randomness only...</p> <p>first of all..<br> i feel like a moral zero..<br> i cant handle the fact that im with someone i do not love..<br> i like her.. alot.. and i really appreciate her support and im really glad shes there for me..<br> but its not what i used to have.<br> and i feel like a liar because i just like her and shes nuts about me..<br> and every time me ex is online (the only way i could talk to her except phone)<br> i still have me stomach in knots..</p> <p>secondly..<br> ive decided to start playin bass again..<br> on me way home i was listening to some of me fav bands and i couldnt stop slapping the bass line on the stap of me bag..<br> the funny bit was where some ppl around me started to move to the rythm..<br> and mr freeman is still amazing..<br> (yes.. psychobilly and punk.. ive got a history.. lol. dont ask.. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> )</p> <p>oh..<br> and i desperately need hols..<br> and me company is not too willing to pay..<br> just to make me days better..</p> <p>ah well..</p> <p>take care..</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/03/20/33-3908005/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-03-12:/2008/03/12/no-idea-what-should-i-put-here-3862077/AManWithout2008-03-12T09:52:40+01:002008-03-12T09:52:40+01:00 <p>had a net-free week.. me stupid agency 'forgot' to pay..<br>they think we all are genuine idiots.. gah..<br>whats strange is i found meself missing postin stuff..<br>and ive never thought its ever gonna happen.<br>and ive missed reading.<br>id rather spend hours reading/listening to/caring with others problems than care with me own ones for a sec.<br>so much easier.</p> <p>sanity has left the building.<br>got up at 4.. after sightly less than 4 hours of sleep.<br>and me mind is full of thoughts.</p> <p>ive managed to get me dirty hands on the man in the rubber mask by robert llewellyn..<br>it is funny.. gonna have to read more of his stuff..<br>but theres a line in it i cant get out of me head..<br>he said.. "i am old enough to remember that i only feel important and special if people tell me i am. as soon as im alone i remember the truth"<br>and that is driving me crazy.<br>because i know it.<br>because it made me think. again.<br>and ive found meself trying to solve the hundreds of lines of thoughts its made me think about.<br>and thats only one thing.</p> <p>misery<br>whatever<br>nevermind </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/03/12/no-idea-what-should-i-put-here-3862077/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-29:/2008/02/29/title-3795637/AManWithout2008-02-29T07:29:48+01:002008-02-29T07:29:48+01:00 <p>wtf.. just seen there is such thing as bloscar..<br>next year please include a "pathetic whiney fuck" cathegory..<br>id sooo fuckin win..<br>id have a great chance to get the award as a "waste product"..</p> <p>haha..<br>sorry.. verbal suicide.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/29/title-3795637/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-29:/2008/02/29/please-shoot-me-3795535/AManWithout2008-02-29T06:23:36+01:002008-02-29T06:23:36+01:00 <p>its 5am.. and im so tired i could sleep thru me life..<br>but no way i can sleep..<br>been struggling for 1.5 hours and now i gave up on it..</p> <p>shes in me bed, and when the screen of me laptop cant bind me shes beautiful..<br>and im pretty close to get rid of whatever i feel to me ex..</p> <p>but i cant feel even a spark of happiness..<br>i wish i could die.. i wish i wouldnt have to face a human or a mirror.. ever again..<br>and i dont know wether to cry or destroy..<br>and im so nervous/mad at meself im gonna throw up..</p> <p>i am trash.. worthless failure..</p> <p>i have failed in the worst way possible for a guy..<br>i could ruin 3 hours of oh-me-god warmup in one fucking goddamned minute..</p> <p>i dont seek answers.. im not trying to explain..<br>i just want to disappear and erase all the memories id leave behind..</p> <p>and now i dont have the sightest doubt about the fact that nothing is gonna be ok..<br>and im destined for a fucking bitter end whatever i do..</p> <p>would anyone please lend me a gun?... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/29/please-shoot-me-3795535/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-26:/2008/02/27/how-to-mess-up-a-perfect-day-3785942/AManWithout2008-02-27T00:54:34+01:002008-02-27T00:54:34+01:00 <p>alright..<br>i hate meself more than anything..<br>and im tearing meself in pieces..</p> <p>today was just perfect..<br>day off work, havin laughs all day..<br>and!<br>she ended up in me arms..<br>just cuddling.. not even a kiss..<br>still i got to hold her for hours..<br>just perfect..</p> <p>but now..<br>im just sitting here alone and me brains killin me..<br>1)because im scared..<br>of starting something new coz i dont want to end up let down again..<br>of not knowing how long will i be interested coz i dont want to be unfair..<br>of not knowing anything..<br>and i dont know if im ready..<br>2)because i feel bad..<br>because a part of me is still in love with me ex..<br>because i do things without bein sure i want it..<br>i mean.. i know i want something like this.. but i dont know what exactly..<br>because somehow it doesnt feel right..<br>3)because whatever happens to me i seem to ruin me happiness..<br>with constant doubts, with my stupid mind working out the worst case scenarios..</p> <p>i feel like rimmer.. (red dwarf.. better than life..)<br>"My brain's rebelled. It just won't accept nice things happening to me."</p> <p>someone please save me from meself.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/27/how-to-mess-up-a-perfect-day-3785942/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-26:/2008/02/26/thanks~3781334/AManWithout2008-02-26T06:01:44+01:002008-02-26T06:01:44+01:00 this posts got no meaning.. i aint gonna send anything here just a big</p> <p>thank you</p> <p>for ppl reading me senseless whinings and in a way helping me thru hard times..<br>because i got over 1000 views a few days back..<br>ive never thought ill have this much..<br>and thanks for the comments aswell..<br>really.. it may seem pointless..<br>but means more than id tell.. <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/26/thanks~3781334/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-26:/2008/02/26/goodbye_mr_niceguy~3781278/AManWithout2008-02-26T05:29:00+01:002008-02-26T05:29:00+01:00 <p>i think the title tells everything..<br>ive had enough.. (for a fakin change)<br>for a change i wasnt thinkin about me ex in a way i used to.<br>today she was not more than someone i had the fortune (or misfortune)<br>to meet in me life..<br>just one of the million..</p> <p>so todays whining is about something (someone) else..<br>i may have mentioned i have a new housemate (2 to be exact)<br>the first time i saw her (and for a few days after that)<br>it was like bein strucked by thunder..<br>like i was seein me ex..<br>but as i get to know her and i get to know more.. well.. <br>i dont see me ex any more..<br>yeah, most of the time we talk its just meaningless flirting, i admit..<br>but honestly.. shes the first one in 2.5 years who made me forget me ex<br>and think about nothing at all but getting in her pants...<br>(and shes the 1st in god knows how many years i want to do that..<br>i dont really get whats this fuss about sex really..)<br>and no, im not proud of it at all.. in fact it feels wrong and immoral etc..<br>for a part of me..<br>i still wish i could..</p> <p>but then..<br>me fuckin stupid disagreement with lady luck (i hate her from the bottom of me calloused heart for not doin me any favors)<br>today she asked me to give advice on her sex life w her bf..</p> <p>and then.. a world came trumbling..<br>see.. i used to be better at figuring out ppl and getting to know them against their will than like.. 95% of ppl..<br>its a gift i (used to?) have..<br>usually it takes one not so long talk to get to know things about ppl they would never tell..<br>but this time ive failed.. brutally..</p> <p>shes taking me as a mate..<br>shes taking me as a fuck knows what..<br>but shes not takin me as a guy..</p> <p>and im seeing me early years haunting..<br>apart from the fact that all me gfs cheated on me<br>(except one.. but on the first proper date she asked how many kids i want..<br>i was 17.. ive not seen her since then..)<br>girls have always taken me as a friend..<br>theyve always came for advice and chat and having fun,<br>but rarely something else..<br>i had to do terrible things to meself for that..<br>hehe.. you know.. i dont even remember me first time.. lol..<br>honestly i dont remember most of things ive done between age 13 and summer of 2002 ad...</p> <p>it took years to get rid of those things..<br>and i still have the cravings.. and i still drink much more than i should..<br>and fuck me.. i have to get it off me chest..<br>in fact me ex was the 1st i actually remember havin sex with..<br>the others were like..<br>im not stupid.. some things can tell weve not played chess.. but thats all..<br>i was lucky if i knew her name..</p> <p>and theres the meaning..<br>any time i was mr niceguy, any time i was acting like i think people (guys to be exact) should, i was about to go thru hell..<br>in every meanings possible..<br>if i was mr badguy, i had everything..<br>i better not get into details..<br>(note: its beyond period of prescription, i was underage and i feel deeper regret about it than any sentence by the court could make me feel<br>and id rather die than do those things ever again..)</p> <p>and now i wonder..</p> <p>i would really hate to lose the person i am now..<br>i would really hate to become anything less or losing me sense of morals and general goodness..<br>but im all fucking alone..<br>ive been kicked to me balls as a guy and forced to me knees as a human..<br>and ive had enough of it..<br>and i would kill to have someone to hold me sometime..<br>someone to hold to feel theres something in life that worth living for..<br>its like that stupid pop song..<br>i dont want to die but im not keen on livin either.. or something like that..<br>i can be happy.. i was having fun at work all day..<br>i have fun with the guy in the house.. <br>somehow we were talkin thru the night a few days back and it was great..<br>and i have fun with flirting w the girls in the house..<br>but thats just playing.. and they know it just as i do..<br>but theres a part of me whats nothing else than a softie..<br>a lost little boy dying to be saved..<br>from his demons, his memories, years wasted, and more regrets than he can carry..<br>and i could be anything to have that..</p> <p>and from where i stand right now everything is a fucking lie..<br>drugs telling lies about happiness, confidence and comfort<br>people telling lies about love, honesty and importance<br>and me telling lies about my last 24 years.. to hide things id die to erase..<br>to make up things not to face questions i dont want to answer and i dont want anyone to know..<br>when all i want is honesty..<br>and not to grow totally cold..<br>in a world where noone really cares, in a world so fucking full of nothing..</p> <p>and thats all for today..<br>i apologise in advance for me continuous and endless whinings..<br>im sorry i have to get it off me chest..</p> <p>and for those who care just a little bit and not just popped in to read this one..</p> <p><br> <em>[deleted lines.. ill just put a lyric here instead..<br>they got sold out but i still like a few songs]</em></p> <p><strong> Don't worry about me, I'm gonna make it alright</strong><br><strong> Got my enemies crossed out in my sight</strong><br><strong> I take a bad situation gonna make it right</strong><br><strong> In the shadows of darkness I stand in the light</strong></p> <p><strong> You see it's our style to keep it true</strong><br><strong> I've had a bad year, a lot to go through</strong><br><strong> I've been knocked out, beat down, black and blue</strong><br><strong> She's not the one coming back for you</strong><br><strong> She's not the one coming back for you</strong></p> <p><strong> If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again</strong><br><strong> If I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend</strong></p> <p><strong> It takes disaster to learn a lesson</strong><br><strong> You're gonna make it through the darkest night</strong><br><strong> Some people betray one and cause treason</strong><br><strong> We're gonna make everything alright</strong></p> <p><strong> Well the worst of times, now, they don't phase me</strong><br><strong> Even if I look and act really crazy</strong><br><strong> I went way down, she betrayed me</strong><br><strong> Now my vision is no longer hazy</strong></p> <p><strong> I'm very lucky to have my crew</strong><br><strong> They stood by me when she flew</strong><br><strong> I've been knocked out, beat down, black and blue</strong><br><strong> She's not the one coming back for you</strong><br><strong> She's not the one coming back for you</strong></p> <p><strong> If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again</strong><br><strong> If I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend</strong> <br>i am fine.. honestly.. =)<br>most of the time..<br>im just using this blog instead of going to a doc..</p> <p>im sorry if ive made anyone feel any worse..<br>thank you for reading..</p> <p>take care..<br>and smile..<br>things can only get better..<br>just belive it.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/26/goodbye_mr_niceguy~3781278/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-22:/2008/02/22/title~3763121/AManWithout2008-02-22T04:12:51+01:002008-02-22T04:12:51+01:00 <p>i woke up this moning and i was mad as hell..<br>i should not feel like this.<br>it was not me who ended our thing.<br>it was not me cheating.<br>it was not me turning offensive and saying the meanest things every time she felt im about to say something what she wont like.<br>but it was me who got ignored.<br>it was me who had to wait for hours only to see her arrive drunk.<br>the record was 9 (nine!!!) hours and she couldnt even speak..<br>just muttering..<br>ive never done anything to hurt her..<br>if she ended up bein hurt then i was just trying to give advice or merely voiced the fact im treated unfairly.<br>i woke up this morning and i was mad.. it is not me who should feel bad..<br>shes still me last thought as i fall asleep, and still the first one as i wake up..<br>and i still have her tshirt in me bed..<br>and i still wake up and run out to say something to her, and it takes a long time to realize she is not here and she wont ever be here again..<br>and im not a part of her life any more..<br>and i woke up this morning and i was mad..<br>because all this shit makes me feel so pathetic..<br>i cant find words to describe..</p> <p>and heres the thing what scares me the most..<br>i will not ever take this ever again..<br>and next time i will walk away as soon as i feel somethings not ok..<br>but i dont want to be like that..<br>im afraid im losing meself..</p> <p>and im fallin asleep so im off..<br>take care.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/22/title~3763121/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-21:/2008/02/21/weird~3758434/AManWithout2008-02-21T03:51:06+01:002008-02-21T03:51:06+01:00 <p>oops..<br>looks like the diary of me random whinings got ignored lately..<br>not like i dont have anything to say or get off my chest.<br>the reason is more like.. the fact i sleep.<br>and honestly im insanely happy with it..<br>i think that 2 days i could talk to her made me realize she killed the girl i loved.<br>or at least buried so deep i cant dig her out again.<br>i think..<br>i think maybe that made me take a step back.. or away..<br>and that is good..<br>but now.. sorrow and wanting her back is gettin replaced with emptiness..<br>feels like the worst winter nights when its so dark and cold you can almost touch the air coz its turning solid.<br>and it scares me..<br>i have to distract myself.. not to care whats inside..</p> <p>and maybe im too good at it..<br>and i dont know what will i become..<br>but im sure im killing and burying the guy who loves her..</p> <p>oh..<br>and mr fuckup did it again..</p> <p>tube.. crowded but not like a tin of tuna..<br>i was sitting and staring at the italian girl standing in front of me..<br>[ok, ok.. i know.. but you would never offer your seat and miss that view.. honestly..]<br>it must have been too obvious  and my face was too much like <img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/092eek.gif" border="0" alt="">..<br>because she started to push & rub her leg against mine..<br>[no, the tube was not that crowded..]<br>and i think that was the point where i forgot even me name.. gahh..<br>and ive done nothing.. no fucking thing.. <br>im well mad at myself..<br>but honestly..<br>what to do if you cant make sure if they speak english?<br>even if i could come up with something.. nothings as embarrassing as trying to start a convo when they wont understand you..<br>it bugs me..<br>its the same as when the girl is with a kid..<br>i mean.. you can never know if theres a daddy waiting for them..<br>and i wouldnt risk that.. lol..<br>i wouldnt mind the lil fella tho.. i love kids..<br>[just beause a few weeks back the girl was more like sittin on me right tigh than sitting near me.. :s and there was plenty of space so it was realy unnecessary..]</p> <p>and now i wonder if im the only one havin these things or it happens to everyone i just didnt notice it coz i had my eyes closed..<br>or more like focused on me ex..</p> <p>oh..<br>and to make it even better the girls in the house went mad.. all of them..<br>one of them is simply unable to say a sentence without a sexual meaning and i had to be really smart to stop her showing tattoos on.. ermm.. well.. i guess you can imagine..<br>the other one just unable to stop staring, nr3 is just always getting too close and today she said i could eat sushi off her.. :s<br>[but that was apparently my fault.. was moarning about the packaging and accidentally mentioned the traditional way. lol..]<br>and this time the problem is..<br>nr1 reminds me of me ex..<br>nr2 is married<br>nr3 is.. well i cant find her attractive.. or smart in any ways..</p> <p>yes.. i know it sounds weird..<br>but its kindda new for me..<br>i had me ex for to long.. and if i have someone i dont even look at others..<br>i guess i just forgot things..<br>i guess i just have to get used to meeting new ppl and have to learn again how to make contact with strangers..<br>just wish me luck..</p> <p>aaaaand!<br>finally i could find a copy of the man behind the ruber mask..<br>i should get it in a few days.. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> yay!</p> <p>so thats all for now..<br>wrote way too much anyways..<br>take care.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/21/weird~3758434/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-18:/2008/02/18/drunkpost~3743088/AManWithout2008-02-18T06:44:26+01:002008-02-18T06:44:26+01:00 <p>so here i go again..<br>blind drunk, unlkoved and weeded out..<br>apologising for the typos im gonna make..<br>since we got fairly drunk..</p> <p>"kindly excuse us while we hate the world, its inhabitants, and their possessions. until further notice contact us here: <br> <a href="http://www.myspace.com/profoundhatred"><a href="http://www.myspace.com/profoundhatred">http://www.myspace.com/profoundhatred</a></a>  a hug and a kiss your friendly neighbourhood....."</p> <p>thats on the page of my fav. band..<br>no i dont want any of you to check it.. as long as you are not used to.. ermm... noise pollution..<br>as youd class them..<br>it takes ears trained to this kind of stuff to appreciate them and like them..<br>i grew up listening to ac/dc, pink floyd, nazareth, and black sabbath..<br>later [as a teen] turned to stuff what you wont ever class as music.. and id rather not mention them..<br>i wish i could forget evertytihng what happened to me since age 13 to 18..<br>then i found hc..<br>and this kind of stuff.. and all the sxe things helped me overcome the cravings..<br>and i want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for that...<br>still im not straight edge and i dont ever be..<br>still drinking and smoking but at least only that..<br>and what ive been through..<br>well... i feel exactly like that most of the time..<br>theres a reason why im gonna have one of their lyrics tattooed from knee to ankle as soon as i have enough money.. lol..</p> <p>oh well..<br>that was just a little secret to let you all dig in my mind a bit deeper..</p> <p>its 5:34 right now and im stil not asleep..<br>had to take care of my housemate..<br>theres just the 2 of us.. and loads of girls..<br>[no it aint fun.. whatever you think..]<br>when he went to sleep he was not able to speak properly..<br>i just wonder if he knows hes got an angel takin care of him..<br>no.. not me.. his gf..<br>you know.. id give my limbs to havve a girl like that..<br>i could die for that..<br>honest to god ive never treated anyone unfairly..<br>at least not in the last 6 years..<br>still i feel cold and alone..<br>in turn others have everything whatever they do..</p> <p>life is ust a bitch..</p> <p>and im nothing more than hate and well hidden scars..<br> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/18/drunkpost~3743088/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-16:/2008/02/16/we_all_have_to_wake_up_at_the_end~3734250/AManWithout2008-02-16T03:41:50+01:002008-02-16T03:41:50+01:00 <p>because dreams dont last forever..<br>but that wont stop us belive they do..<br>that wont stop us falling in love with them..<br>that wont stop us dying for them..<br>and its quite all right..</p> <p>had the chance to talk to my ex..<br>i think shes dead.. <br>the stupid bitch with the spikes and the weirdest ideas you can ever hear is not the one i loved..<br>in a few weeks she became something i despise..<br>and the worst is i know shes pretending.. she cant fool me..<br>the first time i met her she was pretending.. it didnt take much time to see thru her masks..<br>and now i know her..<br>i dont know how can she think she can fool me now..<br>but it doesnt matter..<br>i think its time to move on..<br>i dont want to get stucked in dreams with bleeding heart for eternity..<br>and no.. im still not saying im over it.. im over her..<br>i think ill never be..<br>she could do things like noone else..<br>she..<br>made me feel important..<br>made me feel good..<br>made me feel loved so much there were times i forgot ive ever been sad or alone..<br>made me feel the world is just the two of us..<br>and i was actually singin and smiling all the time.. at work, on the streets..<br>i didnt care. i was happy..<br>but then..<strong><br></strong><br> <strong>"My nation of two was the loser...<br>insanity the victor.<br>There were no prisoners...<br>no survivors."</strong> <br>i will never get over it..<br>i will never get over her..<br>and its all right.. its qute all right..</p> <p>and as soon as she gets bored of her insane rebellion and stupidity..<br>as soon as she can find herself again..<br>i will run back to her as children run to their mother..<br>just one word..<br>as i have one world..<br>and she was the sun of my galaxy..<strong><br></strong><br> <strong><a></a>"blank sheets enveloped in grieving.<br><a></a>foolishly bleeding for you.<br><a></a>waiting.<br><a></a>it was never meant to be today.<br><a></a>window panes coaliding and worried drips of sweat that have fallen from my chin.<br><a></a>the devil devoted and she brought this trembling.<br><a></a>all of this collapsing, i seed through.<br><a></a>seized ceiling preaching sinister color.<br><a></a>i reach to anything recognizing and it all comes back to you.<br><a></a>you with your hands would heal all my scars and so i as,<br><a></a>'after i lost everyhing would you hold me and would you love me<br><a></a>until this spine could hold this head up high again?'<br><a></a>that's all i'll ask, i won't ask.<br><a></a>he is dead."</p> <p></strong> but its all right.. its quite all right..</p> <p>i just have to move on..<br>have to..</p> <p>tough..</p> <p>im as talkative as a pile of coal..<br>im as goodlooking as quasimodo..<br>im as big as snowwhites mates..<br>and im as funny as a Hitchcock film..<br>ive got no expectations..<br>i just want to feel loved once again..<br>and i will pretend love..<br>but my next ex wont ever know that..<br>for healing my scars ill give all the happiness a broken heart possibly can..<br>my everything..<br>and its all right.. its quite all right..</p> <strong>"everything is gonna be all right<br>everything is gonna be all right<br>so suck your fucking thumb"</strong> <a></a> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/16/we_all_have_to_wake_up_at_the_end~3734250/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-14:/2008/02/14/blah~3724795/AManWithout2008-02-14T02:31:03+01:002008-02-14T02:34:30+01:00 <p>so it is here.. i was hoping this year fuckingtines day will be cancelled..<br> but its not.. i really have to come up with an evil plan next year..<br> must be a way to stop this madness..</p> <p>yes. i hate it. its get-fuckin-drunk-and-sleep-all-day for me.<br> became a tradition really.<br> because ive always been alone this day.<br> because even if i had osmeone something got fucked up and we "had a break" for this day.. or week..<br> because theres no way im gonna do anythin else on a day whats designed to make ppl belive they can be mean, rude, abusive, careless and ignorant for 364 days and one day is just enough to make it all right..<br> fuck that..<br> [still.. i hope you all gonna have a great day]</p> <p>once i was told my eyes are like a cows at the slaughterhouse.. now i know what she meant..</p> <p><strong><br> </strong><br> <strong>"i am in love with what ive lost. i do not want what i have got."</strong> </p> <p>im off.<br> take care. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/14/blah~3724795/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-09:/2008/02/09/another_f_kin_emo_post_from_me~3700789/AManWithout2008-02-09T03:33:16+01:002008-02-09T03:33:16+01:00 <p><em>no words to describe my state of mind.. just a shadow of myself..<br>only unsaid words, unsent letters.. and a whole fuckin lot of memories..<br>and they seem to never ease..<br>i used to think nothing can break me.<br>now it seems like all i can do is sobbing. funny in a pathetic way..<br>and im not so tough any more..</em></p> <a></a><strong>Cheap lips, soft eyes, lost in the most blinding lights</strong><strong><br><a></a> As cold as those first nights alone<br><a></a> As the second best he'll become<br><a></a> Sleep deep, girl, dream well<br><a></a> That night, I think he cried himself to sleep<br><a></a> Just maybe, he felt more than we could ever know<br><a></a> And I think he pulled that trigger to empty that memory<br><a></a> I think he cut the weight to end the floods of you<br><a></a> Let him soar, let him ride as budding gravestones do<br><a></a> Just sleep, girl, just dream well</strong> <p> and hanging seems pretty appealing.. [lyrics nicked from converge] <a></a> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/09/another_f_kin_emo_post_from_me~3700789/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-03:/2008/02/03/i_love_youuuuuuuuuu~3671761/AManWithout2008-02-03T05:02:44+01:002008-02-03T05:03:29+01:00 <p>soooooo<br> finally i got enuff cash to get shitfaced..<br> im so glad you cant even imagine..</p> <p>gotta release tension...</p> <p>and i miss me ex.. not just a wee bit..<br> its like havin yer heart torn up and stomped on..<br> and i see her face when i look at any women and her name i stattoed on me dreams..</p> <p>never lose anyone you could die for..<br> never lose anyone who means the world for ya..</p> <p>fucoin hell..</p> <p>i wish i could read at least a few posts.. to draw me attention..<br> but i cant even read..</p> <p>had to do a car today.. at work.. lol..<br> poor lady left her key in it..<br> never thought ill ever use this skill for a good cause..<br> its a skill your unlike to use for doin somethin good..</p> <p>ah well.. at least ive dun sumtin good today..</p> <p>take  care.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/03/i_love_youuuuuuuuuu~3671761/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:amanwithout.blog.co.uk,2008-02-01:/2008/02/01/so~3662776/AManWithout2008-02-01T06:24:30+01:002008-02-01T06:26:33+01:00 <p>i wonder if im the only one guy havin moral issues w sex..</p> <p>funny ehh?</p> <p>the thing is..<br>the girl who got home w her ex and made me stay awake all night is acting strange lately..<br>and shes got a perfect body.. huh... [and a not so perfect face but wtf.. :s ]<br>and my sex life is.. pathetic.. laughable.. for a really really long time now..<br><br><strong>but!</strong></p> <p>id never go out w her..<br>and i miss my ex.. really bad.. and i keep thinkin about her all day and al night..</p> <p>and i dont know if i have the guts..<br>and i cant ignore my morals..<br>and i keep sayin everyone in the same situation should move on and find someone else..<br>and i cant take my own advice..<br>and i know if id do it id feel like cheating on her [or on her memory]<br>and i know if i dont do it i just make another step to die cold and alone..<br>and i am going insane..</p> <p>mehh..<br><strong>im off bangin head against brick fuckin walls..</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://amanwithout.blog.co.uk/2008/02/01/so~3662776/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>